"Follow your dreams. You can meet your goals. I am living proof. Beefcake! BEEFCAKE!!!"
--Eric Cartman (Weight Gainer 4000)

"The fireman is very magical. Rub his helmut and he spits in your eye."
--Eric Cartman (Ike's Wee Wee)

"DUDE, THAT IS NOT COOL!!! CHOPPING OFF WEE-WEES IS NOT COOL!!!"
--Eric Cartman (Ike's Wee Wee)

"We're never gunna get any candy if Kenny keeps eating people!"
--Eric Cartman (Pink Eye)

"Why is it that everything today has to do with things either going in or coming out of my ass???"
--Eric Cartman (Cartman Gets An Anal Probe)

"Oh good, he got the crappy kidney"
--Eric Cartman (Cherokee Hair Tampons)

"I just don't trust anything that bleeds for five days and doesn't die"
--Mr.Garrison, on the female sex organ (The Movie)

"I AM NOOOOOT AAAAACTING LIKE A FREEEEEEAK!!!!"
--Wendy Testaberger (Tom's Rhinoplasty)

"See that Stan? Now that's a dirty little bastard!"
--Uncle Jimbo (Volcano)

"Oh! It hurts! It hurts!"
--Ned (Volcano)

"That has got to be the most ridiculous load of pig crap I have ever seen!"
--Chef (Volcano)

"TIM-MAY!"
--Timmy (Timmy! 2000, etc.)

"GOB-BLES!"
--Timmy (Thanksgiving)

"How can I resist an ass so great!?!"
--Tweek (Tweek vs. Craig)

"It is only an ass. You must overcome the ass with your mind!"
--Sumo Master (Tweek vs. Craig)

"Let the mysterious ways of our people show you a new way of tampons!"
--Cheech and Chong (Cherokee Hair Tampons)

"Oh Chief, I want your hot man chowder!"
--Mrs. Cartman (Cartman's Mom Is A Dirty Slut)

"Your mother is what we Indians call, 'Bear With Wide Canyon'"
--Chief Runningwater to Eric Cartman (Cartman's Mom Is A Dirty Slut)

"Come on Kenny, get the go-kart going. I wanna ride it!!!"
--Stan Marsh (Cartman's Mom Is A Dirty Slut)

"Asian culture has plagued the world for years, we must end it!"
--Stan Marsh (Weight Gainer 4000?)

"Oh my god, you sick little bastard!"
--Mr. Mackey (Mr. Hankey, The Christmas Poo)

"Dance! Dance! Dance damn you!"
--Kyle Broflowski to his poo (Mr. Hankey, The Christmas Poo)

"We don't say fuck at the table asshole!"
--Mr. McCormack (Chickenpox)

"Oh my god, this is like a third world country!"
--Kyle Broflowski (Chickenpox)

"Shut up, fat ass!"
--Kyle to Cartman (various episodes)