Q: What did the crippled, blind, deaf boy get for Christmas?

A: Cancer!

Q: Why did the baby fall out of the tree?
A: Because it was dead!

Q: Why did the little girl fall off the swing?
A: Because she had no arms!

Q: Why can't Helen Keller drive?
A: Because she's a woman!

Q: What do you get when you drop a baby on it's head?
A: A Republican!

Q: What do you call an Amish person with his hand up a horses ass?
A: A mechanic!

Q: What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?
A: Nothing. You already told her twice!

Q: What does a 75-year-old woman have between her breasts?
A: Her navel!

Q: What do you call a man with no legs?
A: It doesn't matter---he's not coming!

Q: What did O.J. give his girlfriend for Valentine's Day?
A: A head start!

Q: What's better than winning a gold medal in the Special Olympics?
A: Not being fucking retarded!

Q: Why don't blind people bungee jump?
A: Because it scares the hell out of the dogs!

Q: How do you get a Jewish woman pregnant?
A: You have sex with her!

Q: How can you tell if your girlfriend is classy?
A: She gets out of the shower to pee!

Q: Mom's have Mother's Day, Dad's have Father's Day. What do single guys have?
A: Palm Sunday!

Q: What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
A: "Are you sure it's mine?"

Q: How can you tell if a blonde's having a bad day?
A: Her tampon's in her ear, and she can't find her pencil

Q: How do you know when you're really ugly?
A: Dogs hump your leg with their eyes closed!

Q: What do you call a man with no brain, no heart, no testicles, and a giant stick up his ass?
A: A Republican!

Q: Why did your mama cross the road?
A: Cuz I said, "Come over here and suck my cock bitch!"

Q: How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say "fuck"?
A: Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell "BINGO!"

Q: What's the difference between a bathroom and the trunk of my car?
A: I don't have a dead hooker in my bathroom!

Q: What's the worst thing about having sex with a 5-year old?
A: Getting blood on your clown costume!

Q: What do you call a half dead, naked man nailed to a wall?
A: Art!

Q: Why don't Eskimos skinny dip?
A: Because your mother's a whore!


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